WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
