I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
