my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
