Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
