I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
