you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I want her autograph on my taint
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
