Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
