ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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