And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
