Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
