I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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