ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
