Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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