i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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