there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
