Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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