When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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