You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
