my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
