He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
