So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
