apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
