Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
