I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
