I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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