I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
