I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
