Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
