She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
