Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
