Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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