he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
