yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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