after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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