She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
