I need help removing her.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
