watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
me + whiskey = a bad person
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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