Tell her she can't have a vagina
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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