Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
