do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
