I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I didn't notice because vodka
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
