I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
