The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
