Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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