I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
