i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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