I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
