i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
