Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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