i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
