4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
