he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
