its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
