Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
