And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
