I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
