it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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