Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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