Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
