I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
