the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
