I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
