Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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