Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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