I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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