Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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