I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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