He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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