i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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