i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
