no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
