just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize