So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
