Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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