God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
