I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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