i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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