Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
