Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
