i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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