Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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