Girls should come with a carfax report
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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