Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize