I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
