I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
